So I wrote this book. And I meant to release the book at the beginning of March. And, wouldn't ya know, little road blocks kept coming up. Just when I thought it was ready to go, there was a formatting issue, or a huge typo (guys, I spelled Jehovah wrong and no one caught it), or someone brought up a content question and I started rethinking.
Nothing huge, and nothing that can't be fixed, but I'm beginning to notice that, once again, the Lord is making sure this happens in His time and not mine. Which is making me think. What's the reason? What puzzle piece is He holding onto that I can't see? I don't know, and I don't think I need to know yet. But I'm getting a little frustrated by the very obvious brake He's putting on this project.
Which brings me back to thoughts on patience and trust. I've been on such a high lately I wasn't too worried about either of those things. It isn't hard to trust when everything is going well, ya know? I've been getting a lot of free reign lately to do my thing. A lot of Jesus being all like, Carry on, ya big cutie!
But He's asking me to trust Him again. There's been this little nudge (that I have maybe been totally ignoring) to slow down and take meticulous care of this little piece of my heart I'm about to publish for the wide, wide world to read. And I don't really want to. If I'm being honest, what I want to do is hurry it along and get it out there so I can say I published a book and begin to receive accolades and the parade I'm sure is being prepared in my honor (jokes, y'all, please don't plan a parade.) I want to call it done.
But it occurred to me this morning that this project isn't worth completing if it isn't done side by side with Jesus. Just like a relationship wouldn't be worth it, just like the best job ever wouldn't be worth it, just like anything wouldn't be worth it. I want this book to have impact. I want it to serve the Kingdom. I want to tell my story well. And, while it's a perfectly good book now, I starting to realize it's imperative to listen to the gentle push that is saying, Wait.
Here's what I'm thinking: If your goal is to walk in step with the Lord, then you have to trust Him when He asks you to wait. What would be good now could potentially be greater, if you can let go in trust and hand over the keys.
I'm sitting on that truth today. Being real with myself about the fact that I want control of this situation. I want to publish the dang book when I want to publish the dang book. But I'm pretty positive I'm being asked to wait. Maybe He will tell me why at some point. Maybe not. But if there's one thing I know, it's that I will be much better off slowing down and keeping step with Jesus rather than rushing ahead (like I so often want to do.) I know He has it under control. And I know He wants to see this dream come true as much as I do. So I'm chilling. And editing. And waiting.
Jehovah Jireh. God provides.